Saturday, November 10, 2012

Friday, September 14, 2012

Gods and Goddesses

   I have been trying to connect to a certain god and goddess for a while now, trying to find my matron and patron, but I have not ever been sure if they were speaking to me or not. There was one time that I really probably should have followed what I had been indirectly told in a dream I had once.

   In this dream I was with a devotee to Guanyin (the female version or at least I assume it was) a bunch of crazy stuff happened in the dream, though  I don't remember most of it now. Well in the end we asked Guanyin to help us defeat the challenge we had been up against and she did so the devotee decided to fast for one full day. I woke up and went about my day as normal and then not long later, I thought... was this a sign that I was supposed to fast for the day? It had been too late by then as I already had some things and I had also thought that I could be prego and didn't want to hurt the baby if I was. I haven't had a dream of Guanyin since.

   There was only one other dream I had that mention a deity that I recall and that was a really kind of screwed up dream and there was my mother-in-laws chihuahua severely hurt and some one asked me to call upon Bast for help, which is odd since she is a feline goddess.

   Any ways, since I just don't know how to take signs unless they are slapping me in the face, for now I will just work with THE 3 aspects of the God and the 3 of the Goddess, who are, to me, in the end the whole of all the many faces and names of all deities. I don't know if I worded that right, but I am sure you get what I meant.

Have a great day and a lovely weekend all!


Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Here I am

   I have been in some what of a funk lately. I haven't wanted to keep up with housework, though forcefully I do. I have been so exhausted and I don't understand why that is when I used to sleep the same way before I ever got pregnant and baby Andrew sleeps fully through the night. I have been trying really hard to be better though. I was even kind of being a grumpy bitch to some people and it seemed like I had gotten annoyed really easily.

   I would have spouts where I would feel a little bit better and want to get stuff done then I would go back to that BLAHness. Though lately, I think I have been doing a lot better. I have been trying to think things through a little bit more when I get angry or annoyed. I try to see things more from their perspective. Which can be a little bit hard, because I used to be one of those people who just let every one get away with every thing, because I would think, oh... how would they feel? That's great and all, but when you constantly do that and neglect your own feelings, that really sucks. So I really don't want to go back to that and I really am trying to balance things out a bit more.

   So... I got the new tarot deck by Ellen Dugan (so far my FAV witchy author!) and I have been drawing one card a day for myself to reflect on and I really love those cards and feel really connected to them so that has helped a ton, that inner reflection and trying to find myself I guess you could say. I also just decided that it would really help me feel better if I could decorate the house a little more. Nothing makes you want to keep a house nice and sparkly clean like a house turning into a home and making it "your own". I've been really wanting to paint and garden and do all sorts of things with our home, but it is hard when it is a renters house. So I am just trying to find my own way to uplift my spirits a little more.

   My mom gave me this adorable teal night stand for my birthday that hangs out in the corner near my computer and my sewing/ craft table so I can look at it every day. I had it over by the door of our room, but it was just kind of in a weird spot so I decided to figure out a way to get it in the East,  it will also serve as a little altar that I can run up and down the stairs with me to go outside or what not. So I moved a little storage stand to the opposite side of my craft table and put my little "shabby chic" altar stand in it's place and man has it brightened up the room! I also put a little decorative clock my aunt gave me above it and I just can't believe how much more life this little table and clock brought in! So I am going to really work on brightening up the house a lot more, I decided after I finish this monster afghan that I started like 3 years ago and it has been twirled up in the closet corner for ev, I am going to start making decorative little ones to throw over the couch and what ever else. Hey maybe I can make an altar cloth even! Hmmm... the possibilities... You know, I really aughta keep up with writing in these blogs, because it really is making me feel better to share this, even though I have no idea how many people may even read any of it! Still feels good!

   So on a WHOLE different note, my son is already sitting up, crawling and being absolutely adorable I can barely even stand it and he is going to be 7 months on the 16th! Oh how time flies... OH and when I mention the stuff above, that does NOT make me love my child any less. As a matter of fact growing up I decided I never wanted to go through the pain of having a child (labor) then all of a sudden I just knew I wanted to have a baby with my husband. I dreamed about having a miniature Carl (my husband) and watching them grow up and just so many things. Then we decided that we wanted to get pregnant, a couple months and a lot of false hope and negative tests later  I got pregnant! I am not going to lie I freaked out a little bit, the full impact hit me. Holy crap, I am going to have a baby! Then the fear of the pain hit. I am very intolerable to pain so through out the whole pregnancy I worried and feared the pains of childbirth and when it came, I handled it well, but I am sorry and I know a lot of people are against this, but I got the epidural and I WILL do it again given the chance, that thing helped me keep it together and I most definitely will choose to have another child, which is what I was getting at. Through out the whole pregnancy, because of this fear of the labor pain I had really been pondering whether I even wanted to go through that again, the fear had me freaked out, but as time passed I kind of shoved it under a pillow and it became really muted. After giving birth and seeing this precious human being that you and your significant other created, this small child that grew from this tiny iguana looking thing (that's what we called him in the first ultra sound lol) into a baby. Then watching him take things in and they come in and just altar your whole life, you look into their eyes and know that things will never be the same and you love it. I knew just after a week or two of having him that there was no way that I wouldn't have another child.

   My life may have been turned upside down from other things that have happened, even before he was born and I may need to get my butt in gear more now from trying to keep up with the baby and his schedule, but it is so more than worth it and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my little sunshine baby!

Blessings and Namaste

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Andrew Within 2-6 Months

 I know I haven't written in a long time, usually when I get free time for myself I am either cleaning or relaxing in some way or another same thing has happened for my youtube channel. I finally made another video for my son so I figured I would post it on here as well for my blogger buddies to see as well. I really enjoyed making this...

He will be 6 months on the 16th! I can't believe he is almost half a year old already!
The music does not belong to me
First song is Boats and Birds by Gregory and the Hawk
and the second is from the CD Lullabies for Little Dreamers and called Schubert's Lullaby

Monday, March 26, 2012

D is for Dreams

   I am trying to catch myself up on the Pagan Blog Project so I am going to do dreams as my first D. I am not really all that aware of the meaning of dreams, but I wanted to talk about a few experiences I have had relating to them.

   Firstly, almost every single one of my dreams have some form of water in it. Usually it is flooding of some sort and usually from the ocean. I am not really sure what water in dreams means exactly except maybe rebirth, but I have been having water in my dreams for some where near 2 years, but it is never really a frightening experience. There was one time rather recently that I had a dream that I was trying to catch up to my baby who was floating along big waves, but yet some how at the same time I knew it wasn't my baby, it was a doll so I wasn't very frightened.

   There has been a couple times where I have seen some thing in a dream and then later on in life I see it some where, but more often then any thing I get a deja vu feeling that I have seen "this moment" before in a dream, the feelings and what I am seeing are so familiar and I just some times know that I have visited that very moment in a dream at some point.

   I was really good at keeping a dream journal for a while and it actually helped so much with remembering dreams. If you are interested in remembering your dreams, I really suggest getting a journal to write down your dreams as soon as you awake. You'll be amazed at how much you remember even as you are writing down your dreams. You start to remember the "flavor" of the dream, the colors, the symbols, the atmosphere.

   I know this wasn't very informative for those seeking to learn, but if any one has any imput on what they believe water in dreams means, that would be awesome!


Sunday, March 25, 2012

Just an Update

   I know it has been kind of a while since I have updated and I haven't been really active lately. I have been having a hard time fitting every thing in a day with the baby and every thing, though I do have my free time I usually use it on some thing else which I need to start balancing things out a little better. I also plan on trying to catch up on the Pagan Blog Project before I get way too behind.

   We got pictures taken of our little baby Andrew and the photographer told us to get in for a couple pictures too, they turned out so nice! So here are just a few... (Phileo Photography: fb / website)

 I believe she puts this hat on for all her newborn photo shoots, so cute!

There are a lot more, but we are waiting for them all to  come in. ALSO I can't believe how strong our boy is! First of all he has been trying to hold his head up since the day that he was born, but he also already has rolled over a couple times and he holds his head up mostly on his own and he can hold himself up while he is on his tummy with his head and chest off the ground! He is only 5 weeks old! We went to his 1 month check up the other day and he rolled over and held his head and chest up and the pediatrician was amazed, she kept saying he shouldn't be able to do that stuff yet and that he should be just starting to try to hold his head up. Both my husband and I think that our brother (my bro-in-law) who passed away, which he is named after, helped him grow nice and strong. We think he help lend some energy in his growth. That's just what we believe though.

   I am really excited too, because my Grandmother-in-law (Gramma) and I are going to start learning more about the Native American believes and history. So I think it will be fun, since I haven't really been able to study or practice with any one yet and I think it is a lot more motivating when you have some one there that you can talk to and learn with.

   Also I am thinking about starting my own little cupcake business, I have so many fun ideas and some recipes that I thought up that would be really cool! So we will see how that works out!